We went to a potluck/game night with some of The Pit's friends on Saturday. The hosts owned a small and very excitable beagle, which they were training, quite unsuccessfully, to greet visitors calmly. Sadly I failed to take pictures, but the Internets have come through, and you can think of Winnie as looking a little like this:
Despite her owner's best efforts, and the frequent deploying of the Spray Bottle of DOOM, Winnie was not very good at the whole not-jumping-on-visitors thing. She was just so full of wiggling wiggling love, and clearly felt the need to share her affections with anyone in the vicinity.
Since I'm a sucker for small wiggling animals and their large begging eyes,* toward the end of the evening, when we were all engaged in a rousing game of Apples to Apples, I picked up Winnie and stuck her on my lap. Judging by the reaction, this may have been the VERY BEST THING that had ever happened to her. She went into paroxysms of joy, manifested by repeated attempts to lick my face in gratitude. Seriously, not since my 5th grade boyfriend have I had to struggle so hard to avoid a mouthful of someone else's tongue.**
After a couple minutes of this unauthorized canine excitement, The Pit stepped in. He transferred Winnie to his own lap, and then worked some sort of crazy dog voodoo. It must have been magic, because I swear to God, she calmed down instantly, stopped all attempts at French kissing, and sat there quietly, gazing at him adoringly for the rest of the night.
Her owners stared at The Pit incredulously, as this display of good behavior was apparently unprecedented. By way of explanation, my loving boyfriend paraphrased Machiavelli: "It is good to be both feared and loved."
I might have a few quibbles with the philosophy, but damn, if he can similarly mesmerize crying babies, I will never argue with the results.
Another fake but accurate Internet representation:
* The Pit says that this makes me totally unsuitable as a dog owner.
** He was in the 6th grade, and had apparently recently learned of this new thing called French kissing. The first time he tried it, I was absolutely revolted and ran to the bathroom to wash out my mouth. Being a total wimp, I never explained to him how disgusting I thought this technique was, but from then on, I proceeded to duck whenever he leaned in to kiss me. Predictably, this relationship did not last very long.
3 years ago